It’s 12:44am and I feel like myself

It’s 12:44am and I feel like myself

For the first time in a while I felt like myself

I felt like myself tonight

It is 12:43am and I finally feel like myself

I have not felt like myself for 61 days

I didn’t know why

But I know I did not feel like myself

But I felt like myself a few minutes ago

I had to track it

What was different?

I was working

It was 12:34am when it hit me that I was feeling like myself

It was 12:34am and I was working

I felt like myself because I was working

I have an unhealthy relationship with work

Yeah, I don’t get it either.

Write soon xx

Me…

Me…

It’s been a minute.

I have missed this page.

I have missed my keyboard.

I have not been here physically but I have thought about being here fondly everyday.

But I had nothing to give.

But it was not like before.

It was not like the days where there was an emptiness.

There was something, I wanted to write, but the words were not ready.

They were cooking.

Now they’re here.

It is not elaborate or grande

But it is here.

Here it is:

I am this and I am that

A very good this and a very good that

But each day I focus on what I am not

A poor this and a shitty that

and these thoughts cause my heart to bleed

“Why am I not this and why am I not that?”, I ask

But the world responds: “But you are such a good this, can’t you see it?”

I respond: “Oh please, this can be more this and that can be more that, so why isn’t it so?”

I had a thought;

What if I shift my gaze?

What if I focus on the ‘this’ and the ‘that’ that I am?

What if I start to see the good this and the good that?

Today, I searched within

And I saw for myself that indeed, I am this, and indeed, I am that

I am coming to an understanding of the me that I am 

and not who I think I am meant to be.

I hope you find your way here too.

Write soon xx

Widen your search…

Widen your search…

You have what a lot of people can only dream of

But what you get, you don’t want

What you have, you are tired of

You want more

Is what you have enough?

Is it bad to keep wanting more?

Is it selfish?

Is it greedy?

You try to pick pieces of happiness from the dirt

You have been picking these pieces for a long time

You can barely boast of a hand full

It’s like when you pick a spec of happiness it comes with a huge clump of dirt

So you throw it all back

“There should be a bigger piece of happiness with little or no dirt attached” you think

So you keep searching the dirt pile

Still you find specs with the same large amounts of dirt

You want to scream

You can’t hold it in

Then comes the realization

You have happiness all around

But your focus is on finding it from the huge dirt dump in front of you

Widen your search maybe…

Write soon. xx

 

 

“Danfo” Tales in the Big City

“Danfo” Tales in the Big City

“Oshod! Oshod! Iyanoworo Oshod!” (Yes the “I” in “Oshodi” is missing on purpose)

“Ikeja! Ikeja! Hold your one-fifty change Ikeja!”

“Ogudu Waso, Toll gate hundred naira, any bus stop ikeja one-fifty”

“Obalende – CMS!”

“Oya aunty e bo le

” E ba wa dress ni be ejoo”

“Lekki hundred naira!”

“Hol your change oh, I no get change”

I’m ashamed of how well I know these.. but honestly, I could go on.

My Danfo tales are endless and I’m sure I am not alone. I thought it’d be interesting to share some of my experiences.

Anytime I experience something odd or exciting on the bus I feel as though it was played out just for me. LoL

Sometimes I’m like “nahhhh this has to be prank, this can’t be happening”.

But then I’ve never heard anyone scream “punked!” after an unbelievable episode in a bus.

Anyway, like I said, my bus tales are endless so let’s begin.

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Running, Not Moving.

Running, Not Moving.

old-man-looks-tired-because-with-running-sport-cartoon-character_5541-240

I remember one day a couple of years ago; my friend and I were heading to the cinema to see a movie.

He was a couple of meters ahead of me as I had stopped to send a text.

He looked back and said “Hurry up, we are going to miss the movie”.

I proceeded to run.

After a few seconds running towards him, he burst out laughing saying “how do you do that?”.

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Pick a Date.

Pick a Date.

Image result for pick a date

“Pick a date then work backwards”.

My Boss says this all the time.

I work in a Unit in HR where we plan and deliver trainings. I never thought it would be hard. But as it is with everything involving logistics and many other people besides yourself, planning and delivering trainings is hard and annoying.

I digress.

Do you know why he always said to pick a date? It’s because psychologically if you set a date for something, you sort of do everything within your power to make sure you are ready for that date. Especially when it involves stakeholders other than yourself.

Why am I talking about this?

My Boss’ advice as annoying as it always is, is always super helpful.

It makes things happen.

Personally, I feel that without this advice, I would never have accomplished half the things I have accomplished while working with him.

Anyway this is not a write up about my Boss.

It’s about you and me. It’s about us and why we never get around to doing the things we really want to do.

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