A Hallway with a Thousand Doors

A Hallway with a Thousand Doors

I was struggling to sleep last night so I began to think as usual

I knew someone who had put his all into a particular thing and things didn’t work out

He was distraught

He was feeling as though there was no point trying anymore

I don’t know how many other things he had tried before this particular thing

Or if that was the only thing he had ever really tried so hard to get

But I knew this particular let down had affected him severely

Suddenly an image came to my mind

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Widen your search…

Widen your search…

You have what a lot of people can only dream of

But what you get, you don’t want

What you have, you are tired of

You want more

Is what you have enough?

Is it bad to keep wanting more?

Is it selfish?

Is it greedy?

You try to pick pieces of happiness from the dirt

You have been picking these pieces for a long time

You can barely boast of a hand full

It’s like when you pick a spec of happiness it comes with a huge clump of dirt

So you throw it all back

“There should be a bigger piece of happiness with little or no dirt attached” you think

So you keep searching the dirt pile

Still you find specs with the same large amounts of dirt

You want to scream

You can’t hold it in

Then comes the realization

You have happiness all around

But your focus is on finding it from the huge dirt dump in front of you

Widen your search maybe…

Write soon. xx

 

 

It’s hard.

It’s hard.

Yes it is.

It’s hard to stay strong in the face of adversity

It’s hard to count it all joy

It’s hard to power through when you really want to quit

It’s hard to be the bigger person

It’s hard to not let it get it you

It’s hard to say you’re sorry when it really wasn’t your fault

It’s hard to fight when you really don’t want to

It’s hard to stay strong when all you feel is weakness

It’s hard to smile through the pain

It’s hard.

But we are meant to do these things anyway

They say we should’t pray for things to get easier; rather we should pray for the strength to make it through the tough times

But it is hard

Sometimes we just have to admit it is hard

I am not saying we won’t do it

But let us be true to ourselves

Let us say it as it is

It is hard

Sometimes very hard

Sometimes extremely hard

But we power through

Somehow we make it through to the other side

Somehow we swim across the angry ocean

Somehow we climb that rocky mountain

Somehow we fight our way to freedom

Somehow we do it

And that is great.

But allow us the opportunity to at least admit that during the process, it is hard.

I think it helps

It is better than lying to ourselves

sometimes not admitting something is the same as calling it what it is not

I am rambling

It is because I am currently finding it hard

I know someone else is too

And for a long time we have been trying not to admit it

But I am sure it’s okay for us to admit

Let us acknowledge this difficulty and then continue to move on

It is hard but we won’t stop

We will still fight

We will still smile

We will still swim

We will still laugh

We will still try

It is hard

But we will do it.

Write soon. xx

 

Dealing with Demons

Dealing with Demons

I like to refer to struggles as demons. This way, I envision struggles as little beings / minions that disturb our preferred disposition from time to time.

Everyone has a demon they battle with on and on but some people’s demons are greater than others’.

You think of your demon as the most difficult thing to deal with and then you hear about someone else’s and you’re like, ‘I might just have a bug tbh’.

My thoughts are all over the place – I thought I could come and put some of it down here but it seems stuck.

Let me tell you what I call a demon

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You’re the only one you’re sure of

You’re the only one you’re sure of

… and even that isn’t guaranteed

Think about 2 people in a relationship

Any relationship at all

Imagine you are one of those two people

Imagine it’s a friendship

For someone to be your friend, it is assumed that both of you like something about each other.

Now think about this:

You know what you like about the other person

Do you know what they like about you?

You know why you’re friends with that person

Do you know why they are friends with you?

I mean, they may tell you these things.

But do you know for sure ?

Do you know if it’s the truth ?

Now let’s imagine it’s a romantic relationship

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Pain

Pain

“That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt” – stolen from The Fault in our Stars.

I wasn’t even thinking about the movie when this phrase popped in my mind a few hours ago.
But what is realer than this phrase?
We can hide our pain from others, pretend it’s not there just so people leave us alone
But we feel it.
It’s there.
We know it is.
Pain is real and it’s not just the kind gotten from a bite , or a bruise , or a beating , or an accident.
Pain comes in all sorts of forms.