Unicorn Train

Unicorn Train

Raise your hands if you are waiting for something you can’t quite describe.

*Imagines thousands of hands raised across an imaginary lecture hall*

Not only have I been waiting for that thing, I have been waiting so much so that I’m almost not living in my current life.

Let me paint a picture:

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In loving memory

In loving memory

Your memory is eternal

I have said this before

Not a day has gone by in the past 2,920 days that I have not thought about you

Your memory is eternal

How could it not be?

You were excellent

They spoke about love the other day at church

And all that resonated with me and this feeling of love was you

Your memory is eternal

How could it not be?

You were strong

I think about what a man should be and you are the first example that comes to my mind

Your memory is eternal

How could it not be?

You were love at it’s best.

I have never experienced such love on this earth as the one you showed me

Your memory is eternal

How could it not be?

You were smart

Any question I could think of, you had an answer to

Your memory is eternal

I never want to loose my memory of you

I pray to God I never will

I want to think of you everyday for the rest of my life

You are not a memory that should ever be lost

I miss you from the depths of my soul

It feels like a log

But I’m not sad

I can’t explain it

I am grateful

I am more grateful than I am sad

I am grateful to have had a love like yours in this cruel world

I miss you

Oh gosh, I miss you

Your memory is engraved in my heart

I love you

Oh gosh, I love you

Thank you

Thank you for everything

It’s 8 years later and I am honored to be your seed.

You’re the only one you’re sure of

You’re the only one you’re sure of

… and even that isn’t guaranteed

Think about 2 people in a relationship

Any relationship at all

Imagine you are one of those two people

Imagine it’s a friendship

For someone to be your friend, it is assumed that both of you like something about each other.

Now think about this:

You know what you like about the other person

Do you know what they like about you?

You know why you’re friends with that person

Do you know why they are friends with you?

I mean, they may tell you these things.

But do you know for sure ?

Do you know if it’s the truth ?

Now let’s imagine it’s a romantic relationship

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Running, Not Moving.

Running, Not Moving.

old-man-looks-tired-because-with-running-sport-cartoon-character_5541-240

I remember one day a couple of years ago; my friend and I were heading to the cinema to see a movie.

He was a couple of meters ahead of me as I had stopped to send a text.

He looked back and said “Hurry up, we are going to miss the movie”.

I proceeded to run.

After a few seconds running towards him, he burst out laughing saying “how do you do that?”.

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This can’t be it…

This can’t be it…

I want to be more than this

I know this isn’t it for me

But do I work hard enough to get the things I want?

To get to where I want to be?

I guess if I had to ask…

But sometimes I can’t help it

I’m not motivated

I wake up and I say, “today will be different”

And guess what?

It never is

It’s the same cycle

I wake in the morning and immediately my eyes pop open

I can’t wait till it it’s time for me to close them again

This can’t be it

This can’t be how I get to where I want to be

This can’t be how I live the life God has given me

But maybe it’s not so bad

Some days I smile

I smile a lot more than I thought I could

Some days I frown

I frown a lot

Frowning is my default state these days

Maybe it’s because I know I’m not “doing it right”

But wait, I still smile sometimes

I smile

When I’m happy, when I’m not

I smile because it means people leave you alone

When you smile people assume that you are happy, that you are okay.

And I guess that’s a good thing

It is the best look to have really

That’s a lie, I don’t really smile

People would testify

I’m a grump

This write up has too many angles

Let me be more coherent

*clears throat*

A good number of people are not where they want to be

Who do you take it out on?

Why are you unhappy?

Whose fault is it?

No one really

In fact it’s most likely yours

I know mine’s mine

It my fault I’m here

I could do so much more

I want to push myself

I want to be able to say I tried everything I could and it just didn’t work

But I can never say that if I never try

I always make excuses

I have excuses for everything

You know that thing called comfort zone

It sounds so safe

But it could very well be one of the most dangerous places you could find yourself or rather keep yourself

This post is too long and it’s still not very coherent

But I’m sure someone gets what I mean (I hope)

Write soon xx