It’s like taking a pill

It’s like taking a pill

I HATE, absolutely DETEST taking pills.

From the first time I remember popping a pill in my mouth

It has always been a huge problem

It hasn’t changed since

But as with most things around trying to feel better , it’s something you have to do

The other day I likened my job to taking a pill

“Close my eyes pop it in and hope I don’t have to taste it as it goes down my throat”

That’s literally how I carry out every task at work

And as is the case with taking a pill , most times I’m successful .

The drug gets in my belly without a trace in my mouth

Without accidentally hitting the roof of my mouth

Or touching the back of my throat

It just goes down with the liquid as intended

But there are those other times when I pop the pill in and the devil rears it ugly head

Causing the pill to either become too big to flow seamlessly down my throat. Causing the pill to linger on my tongue after the liquid is long gone leaving a repulsive sediment I can almost always never get out of my head

Or causing the pill to stray to the side, fall in between my teeth and in the midst of my confusion, I bite down – ohhh the horror!!!

So yeah

That’s how it is with work

My lucky streak runs out for a bit and I get to experience how incredibly horribly tasting my job can actually be.

The end.

Write soon xx

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I need a break…

I need a break…

…sound familiar?

How often do we hear those 4 simple words?

It’s as simple as that “I.Need.A.Break”

Sooo many times right?

I cannot even begin to count how many times I have said it myself.

A break. “Always a good idea”, I say.

But why do we need these breaks?

The way I see it , asking for a break is like asking for an escape from your current life

It could be for whatever reason

To get some air when you’ve been drowning;

To get some love when you’ve been broken;

To get some peace when there’s been chaos;

To take a breather when you’ve been panting;

To get some warmth when you’ve been freezing

To get some healing when you’ve been hurting;

To get some cold air when you’ve been burning; or

To get a life when you’ve lost yours.

So the way I see it , you never need a break from something that’s good.

LoL. That sentence maybe completely wrong you know 

I just remembered an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie was in a seemingly perfect relationship with Aiden and was having palpitations because she couldn’t fathom how good things were. She actually asked for a break from their perfect relationship.

I guess I could argue here that the “perfect” relationship was causing her distress that she needed a break from.

But then again Carrie was sort of dysfunctional.

Cont’d:

Or have you ever needed a break from the good life to get some much needed pain and suffering?

I haven’t.

But I won’t judge you if you have *wink*

Back to my point:

A break suggests you’re trying to escape something

Trying to get away from something that brings you less joy than you bargained for

A break suggests there’s something better…

Crap! I can feel the bias in this write up 

I’m doubting my own write up *palm face*

But I’m still gonna go on, see if I can convince you. 

This write up was inspired by a conversation with a dear friend btw.

Anyway let me go on with my argument

*clears throat*

Cont’d:

I’m not saying that a perfect life exists where you never want to leave even for a holiday

My doubts about this write up resumed right after that one sentence.

Oh gosh! The devil is a liar 

I just went to type the end of this post before I continue let me see if I can work my way to that end 

Having the end makes me convince myself that it’s a good and unbiased post 🙂 

Okay, here we go again

Cont’d:

What I am saying is

It is important that we pay attention to the yearnings for these said ‘breaks’ and try to articulate a few things:

How often do I need these breaks?

What are my major reasons for needing this breaks?

Do I see an opportunity to escape and jump at it like my life depended on it?

How do I feel when I take these breaks?

How quickly after a break do I feel I need to go on another one?

Are there consistent triggers for requiring these breaks?

Or are they borne out of a bunch of different reasons?

Let me just say what I want to say…

If you are constantly needing to run away from your life, then that may not be the life you ought to be living

How about you seek some change so that your life is a place you want to stay in not somewhere you feel the need to run away from

Sometimes it is difficult to attain this change

So do this:

Fill your life up with lots of of other interesting factors that cancel out or drown the part of your life that makes you want to run

Find what makes you happy

Find a life that makes you want to stay

Try to make sure the life you choose isn’t one you want to run away from every now and then.

Oh gosh… I hope I convinced you with this post.

Even a little bit *sigh*

Even if I failed, I hope you enjoyed reading it at least 🙂

Write soon xx

This can’t be it…

This can’t be it…

I want to be more than this

I know this isn’t it for me

But do I work hard enough to get the things I want?

To get to where I want to be?

I guess if I had to ask…

But sometimes I can’t help it

I’m not motivated

I wake up and I say, “today will be different”

And guess what?

It never is

It’s the same cycle

I wake in the morning and immediately my eyes pop open

I can’t wait till it it’s time for me to close them again

This can’t be it

This can’t be how I get to where I want to be

This can’t be how I live the life God has given me

But maybe it’s not so bad

Some days I smile

I smile a lot more than I thought I could

Some days I frown

I frown a lot

Frowning is my default state these days

Maybe it’s because I know I’m not “doing it right”

But wait, I still smile sometimes

I smile

When I’m happy, when I’m not

I smile because it means people leave you alone

When you smile people assume that you are happy, that you are okay.

And I guess that’s a good thing

It is the best look to have really

That’s a lie, I don’t really smile

People would testify

I’m a grump

This write up has too many angles

Let me be more coherent

*clears throat*

A good number of people are not where they want to be

Who do you take it out on?

Why are you unhappy?

Whose fault is it?

No one really

In fact it’s most likely yours

I know mine’s mine

It my fault I’m here

I could do so much more

I want to push myself

I want to be able to say I tried everything I could and it just didn’t work

But I can never say that if I never try

I always make excuses

I have excuses for everything

You know that thing called comfort zone

It sounds so safe

But it could very well be one of the most dangerous places you could find yourself or rather keep yourself

This post is too long and it’s still not very coherent

But I’m sure someone gets what I mean (I hope)

Write soon xx

Remembering a Legend

Remembering a Legend

“I love you.” My legend never failed to let me know.

“I love you” – my legend said to me when I had been good.

“I love you” – my legend said to me when I had been bad.

“I love you” – the last words my legend said to me.

When I think about this Legend I am stunned at how amazing one person could be.

How one person could be so tough yet so loving.

I remember your discipline. How there were certain things we couldn’t dare to try (and still can’t tbh) because we knew the consequences. How you made us tough. How you embarked one of life’s toughest journeys without ever complaining. How you  fought through the pain, how you smiled through the pain. My legend was a fighter.

I remember your love. How you always put us before yourself. How you took all of our burdens and made it your own. How you made us feel safe. How you had an answer to everything. How you were still thinking of us even through the pain.

I didn’t understand what it meant to love a person but my legend taught me.

My legend made me who I am today. I remember the days of uncertainties my legend gave me something to believe in.

My legend was the definition of the ‘The love of a father’.

It is not how long you lived but how well you lived – I say my legend lived well. And not just for himself but for so many around him.

They call it “The Remembrance Day” but I don’t need a special day to remember you. Not  a single day has gone by in the past 1825 days that I don’t think about you. You are a star in my heart that has never deemed. Even when our human senses told us you had been blacked out – you didn’t flicker. In my heart you continue to shine bright.

I have never really put “it” out there but today I thought I’d tell the world a little bit about my Legend.

Words cannot express how much I miss you.

Even after so long, whenever something great happens to me I want to pick up the phone and call you. Just to get that very special reaction you give that no one else can replicate. You are a star.

I miss you.

When I’m lost I wish you were there to tell me where to go. Sometimes I pray to dream about you just so I can have a conversation with you.

I miss you.

Somehow I’m not angry that you went away because I actually believe and I’m not just saying it, that you are in a far better place. I just miss you, that’s all.

When I think about you these days I envision you in a beautiful world with your only worry being that you miss us. But that’s okay we miss you too. And eventually we will have what we once had when the Lord permits.

The words above do not represent even a spec of the beauty that was and is my legend. But you know what they say – words are never enough.

So this is just a little something about my legend. A little something to say how much I miss my legend. A little something to say, quite frankly that the world deserves to know a bit about my legend.

Write soon! xx

 

Stuck…

Stuck…

Few feelings are worse than the feeling of being stuck in something you hate. I say this all the time.

Imagine waking up every day with an overwhelming feeling of fear and/or sadness because you know you are about to face another day stuck in an ocean when you would rather be out on dry land.

It’s a terrible feeling.

Okay so let me just say here that this piece is probably not going to make much sense when it’s done. I’m not sure, we’ll see. (btw I’m writing this after I’ve written like 4 paragraphs coz I’m realizing that I’m just rambling so I thought I’d give you guys a heads up). But read on its not that bad – maybe you’ll help me make some sense out of it.

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