It’s like taking a pill

It’s like taking a pill

I HATE, absolutely DETEST taking pills.

From the first time I remember popping a pill in my mouth

It has always been a huge problem

It hasn’t changed since

But as with most things around trying to feel better , it’s something you have to do

The other day I likened my job to taking a pill

“Close my eyes pop it in and hope I don’t have to taste it as it goes down my throat”

That’s literally how I carry out every task at work

And as is the case with taking a pill , most times I’m successful .

The drug gets in my belly without a trace in my mouth

Without accidentally hitting the roof of my mouth

Or touching the back of my throat

It just goes down with the liquid as intended

But there are those other times when I pop the pill in and the devil rears it ugly head

Causing the pill to either become too big to flow seamlessly down my throat. Causing the pill to linger on my tongue after the liquid is long gone leaving a repulsive sediment I can almost always never get out of my head

Or causing the pill to stray to the side, fall in between my teeth and in the midst of my confusion, I bite down – ohhh the horror!!!

So yeah

That’s how it is with work

My lucky streak runs out for a bit and I get to experience how incredibly horribly tasting my job can actually be.

The end.

Write soon xx

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This can’t be it…

This can’t be it…

I want to be more than this

I know this isn’t it for me

But do I work hard enough to get the things I want?

To get to where I want to be?

I guess if I had to ask…

But sometimes I can’t help it

I’m not motivated

I wake up and I say, “today will be different”

And guess what?

It never is

It’s the same cycle

I wake in the morning and immediately my eyes pop open

I can’t wait till it it’s time for me to close them again

This can’t be it

This can’t be how I get to where I want to be

This can’t be how I live the life God has given me

But maybe it’s not so bad

Some days I smile

I smile a lot more than I thought I could

Some days I frown

I frown a lot

Frowning is my default state these days

Maybe it’s because I know I’m not “doing it right”

But wait, I still smile sometimes

I smile

When I’m happy, when I’m not

I smile because it means people leave you alone

When you smile people assume that you are happy, that you are okay.

And I guess that’s a good thing

It is the best look to have really

That’s a lie, I don’t really smile

People would testify

I’m a grump

This write up has too many angles

Let me be more coherent

*clears throat*

A good number of people are not where they want to be

Who do you take it out on?

Why are you unhappy?

Whose fault is it?

No one really

In fact it’s most likely yours

I know mine’s mine

It my fault I’m here

I could do so much more

I want to push myself

I want to be able to say I tried everything I could and it just didn’t work

But I can never say that if I never try

I always make excuses

I have excuses for everything

You know that thing called comfort zone

It sounds so safe

But it could very well be one of the most dangerous places you could find yourself or rather keep yourself

This post is too long and it’s still not very coherent

But I’m sure someone gets what I mean (I hope)

Write soon xx