I’m okay…

I’m okay…

Kind of like “I’m fine” but my version.

We say I’m fine so much we start to believe we are.

I never do anyway.

I know how not fine I am yet the rate at which I respond with the words “I’m okay” when asked about my general well being or whatever shocks me.

I can hear myself lying and I can’t stop it. I feel like it’s the right thing to do.

To be honest it’s the easiest.

Or is it really?

Why do we say we’re fine when we really aren’t?

Is it safe?

Who do we say it to?

Do we choose?

When do we say the truth?

Do we ever?

What is the truth?

Do we even know?

Are we “fine”?

If we aren’t is it okay to be honest about it Everytime? (Without seeming like a downer?)

When we’re not okay, what’s wrong? Can we tell people what it is? Is that why we lie?

Sigh… So many questions.

I’m okay btw was just wondering about these things 🙂

Write soon. xx

Today? Maybe Tomorrow…

Today? Maybe Tomorrow…

I was with today after struggling so hard to get over yesterday . 
Today and I were having an amazing time.
My heart was melting from the love I got from today. 
I started to feel like yesterday wasn’t so amazing after all.
I was falling in love with today like I had never done before. 
Today was good to me .
I held today begged it never to let me go. 
It felt so good to be in today’s arms.
Then today offered me a gift. I was excited. 
It was a piece of clothing today had acquired years ago. But I didn’t mind, all that mattered was that today was giving me a part of itself. 
But then I recalled something – today had given this same article to its yesterday.
Today wanted to dress me up as its yesterday.
I had moved on from yesterday but today was still there.
Today was not today . 
It had only pretended to be . 
It didn’t depend on me to get over my yesterday , because today was still in love with its.
It was not enough that I had gotten over yesterday because today was still clinging on. 
So I reluctantly take a step back from today.
Maybe tomorrow would be better …

Something’s missing

Something’s missing

I wasn’t happy so I bought a new pair of shoes

I thought some new shoes would give that spring in my step I always wanted

I wasn’t happy so I bought a little black dress

You always feel better with a little black dress on, I thought

I wasn’t happy so I got something to eat

Food always makes me happy, I don’t know about you

I wasn’t happy so I changed my job

You know, they say how you feel about work is directly related to how you feel about life

I wasn’t happy so I moved cities

New city, new me!

I wasn’t happy so I bought a ticket and took a trip round the world.

Travelling the world – Now that’s happiness in a bottle!

I did all these but still, I wasn’t happy.

Something is missing.

I know, I know, people say this a lot…

But really, something is missing.

I don’t know what it is, but I know something isn’t where it’s meant to be.

Something’s missing…please help me find it.

P.S It took a shitty day at the office and an even shittier journey home to bring back the writer in me. I guess

 

How to get over a Break Up

How to get over a Break Up

What’s the best way to handle a break up? I’ve often asked

Cry about it for a week and you’ll be fine afterwards

Pay it no mind and it will be off your mind in days

Rant about it to all your friends, it helps to talk

Pretend like it never happened

Think of all the reasons why a break up was the best bet

Lie to yourself

and remember to say it was “his or her loss”

It always is, isn’t it?

 

How can I not break? 

How can I not break? 

It’s hard to not be broken when you’ve been hit, tossed, smashed and even trampled upon.

But the goal is to not be broken …

You ask: 

How can I not break when the weight of the world is on my shoulders?

How can I not break when my heart – the essence of my existence has been broken?

How can I not break when the only options laid out before cause me to tremble in more fear than I thought possible?

How can I not break when breaking seems like the only way to escape the possibility of being broken? 

But the goal is to not be broken. 

The goal is to find that styrofoam that protects you from impact

The goal is to be a person that cannot be broken

The goal is to be unbreakable

The goal is to be strong

The goal is to prevent potential cracks

The goal is to seal up the bruises

The goal is to not be broken. 

I wish I knew

I wish I knew

I wish I knew why I’ve been feeling the way I’ve been feeling 
I wish I knew how my life would turn out in the end so I don’t waste time worrying about my decisions now 

I wish I knew what exactly I was placed on this earth to do

I wish I knew what steps to take to take me to where I really want to be 

I wish I knew the man I’d end up with so I could stop “kissing all these frogs”

I wish I knew where I’d meet him so I could make my way there right away

I wish I knew what time he’d be there so I don’t get there too early or too late 

I wish I knew what life would be like 5 , 10, 20 years from now 

I wish I knew…

I wish I knew how to dance, then maybe I’d be a dancer

I wish I knew how to sing, then perhaps I’d be a singer

I wish I knew how to preach, then maybe id be a preacher

I wish I knew how to bake, then…

I wish I knew 

I wish I knew my purpose…

I don’t know all these things now

But I know I’ll find out.

To be honest I’m quite impatient about it 

But I keep reminding myself that the time to find out the answers to these things I wish I knew is coming

Some, of course, I may never know

Some, just mere Wishful thinking 

Some I probably don’t even want to know so I don’t spend the rest of my life panicking over something that hasn’t even happened. 

But some I know I’ll find out soon enough