I want to be more than this
I know this isn’t it for me
But do I work hard enough to get the things I want?
To get to where I want to be?
I guess if I had to ask…
But sometimes I can’t help it
I’m not motivated
I wake up and I say, “today will be different”
And guess what?
It never is
It’s the same cycle
I wake in the morning and immediately my eyes pop open
I can’t wait till it it’s time for me to close them again
This can’t be it
This can’t be how I get to where I want to be
This can’t be how I live the life God has given me
But maybe it’s not so bad
Some days I smile
I smile a lot more than I thought I could
Some days I frown
I frown a lot
Frowning is my default state these days
Maybe it’s because I know I’m not “doing it right”
But wait, I still smile sometimes
When I’m happy, when I’m not
I smile because it means people leave you alone
When you smile people assume that you are happy, that you are okay.
And I guess that’s a good thing
It is the best look to have really
That’s a lie, I don’t really smile
People would testify
I’m a grump
This write up has too many angles
Let me be more coherent
A good number of people are not where they want to be
Who do you take it out on?
Why are you unhappy?
Whose fault is it?
No one really
In fact it’s most likely yours
I know mine’s mine
It my fault I’m here
I could do so much more
I want to push myself
I want to be able to say I tried everything I could and it just didn’t work
But I can never say that if I never try
I always make excuses
I have excuses for everything
You know that thing called comfort zone
It sounds so safe
But it could very well be one of the most dangerous places you could find yourself or rather keep yourself
This post is too long and it’s still not very coherent
But I’m sure someone gets what I mean (I hope)
Write soon xx