Pending

Pending

Lately I’ve been having this strange feeling – I wake up every morning feeling like I’m waiting for something.

It sounds odd but trust me its bothersome. It feels like I’m waiting for something to happen and that when that thing happens it will be ‘alright’.

Do you know that feeling you get when you feel like you’ve forgotten something? or You’re going through life as usual and you remember that there something you’re supposed to be bothered about? – Oh? Just me? Alright then, post ends here. Can’t have you all thinking I’m some crazy person with a laptop!

Write soon! xx

Stepping Out on Dry Land

Stepping Out on Dry Land

I had a conversation with a friend a few months ago and I can never seem to get this analogy he used in describing the dating cycle out of my head.  We were speaking about how most of the time we (I’m going to be saying this from a girl’s perspective but it may well apply to guys – it’s just easier for me really 🙂 ) tend to fall in, fall out and fall back into relationships without ever really taking time out to examine the process.

Here’s what he said and I paraphrase – It’s like being in an ocean and riding every wave that comes on without ever examining what made us fall off the previous one.

Okay maybe I didn’t say it as clearly as it is in my head but you sort of get the general idea.

So we get out of a relationship and this cute nice guy shows up a few weeks/months down the line and professes his Love(like) for us and we’re like “Oh yay! New guy, let’s do this!”

He went on to say that he recommends that when we fall off that one wave we should step back on the beach, observe the waters for a bit and ONLY go back in when we see a wave that we reallyyy want to ride i.e. not just riding one because you were in the water anyway. This doesn’t necessarily have to do with time but just watching, evaluating your experience with the last wave, spotting a new one, and  making an informed decision to ride a particular wave because you believe it will be worth the ride.

It’s funny because most times when we are going through a break up, we say stuff like “I’m done with guys” or “I’m taking a break from guys for a bit”. But we hardly ever go through with it. When the next “hunk” or “sweet guy” wave pops up, we give ourselves a good reason to ride.

My advice is step out on dry land for a bit and you will realize how many waves you would have ridden that were actually never really worth it.

I hope it made a bit of sense 🙂

Write soon! xx

Living for you

Living for you

I had to make a choice that had the power to change my life for the better (nothing revolutionary, just an opportunity) a few days ago and it took almost every fiber in my body to stop from not making that choice. So yes,  I was actually leaning towards making the wrong choice and blowing away a chance at something better. ‘Why?’ You might ask. Basically I was going to make an informed WRONG choice just because the better choice had the possibility of making another person feel bad.

Yup, that was it…no other reason.

I just thought the decision which was a great decision for me, would probably make someone else feel bad (not ruin their lives or hurt them, just make them feel bad) and so I was prepared to make the wrong choice just so I could avoid  that ‘possibility’ of making someone feel bad.

That’s typical me. That is so something I would do – and NO I’m in no way the nicest person in the world (figure of speech).

The sad thing is that I actually started making up reasons why my ‘great choice’ was a bad idea. And none of the reasons had to do with making the other person feel bad. I didn’t want to admit it because deep down I knew it was a dumb reason. So I started to come up with other reasons as to why my great choice could potentially be a bad idea or just a waste of time.

What am I trying to say?

Most times we let other people’s opinions influence our decisions instead of focusing on what that decision really means to us.

I am not saying we should go about making decisions that would hurt other people. But I am sure we all know there are choices we make that we ordinarily wouldn’t make, but we do so anyway just so we can keep another person pleased (How do we even know we are keeping them pleased?), knowing fully well that they probably would not do the same for us.

You have one life to live – think about it, do you really want to live it for someone else? I mean, would they give you their’s?

Sometimes it’s okay to be selfish. Quite frankly

Life is a jungle and everyone is hustling to survive. It’s like a game show – you go in for a game show and you start to make friends with your competitors, all well and good but when it comes right down to it, you’re all fighting to win. If you had something that gave you an edge over another competitor, would you hide it just so you wouldn’t make them feel bad? Probably not. You would use it to your advantage so that you can win.

I know it sound like I’m advising people to be selfish.That’s not what this is.

Maybe I sound slightly pained because I know how many decisions I have made  at my own detriment just so I wouldn’t make someone else feel bad.

But the truth is that most people are selfish and if they had an opportunity you didn’t have they’d take it in a ‘New York Minute’ and get on with it.

I guess what am saying here is LIVE FOR YOURSELF. Don’t allow yourself to be dragged down just for the fear of what another person might think – because if you do get dragged down just to please someone else, you end up resenting that person and no one wins.

As long as you know a choice is the right choice, make that choice, you’re better of that way than thinking ‘what if?’ all because you didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.

Write soon! xx

What if it was you?

What if it was you?

“Ha!! I can never allow that happen to me oh. Never!!” – Typical words you hear from an individual who has just been told of something annoying/disturbing/stupid/’avoidable’ that has happened to someone else.

We think we have the ability to avoid things based on certain steps we take everyday – well I guess to some extent we do. But sometimes we are just saved by grace.

I remember sitting with a group of friends sometime back and someone telling us a story of a girl who was constantly being beaten by her boyfriend. Heyy! see anger! Everyone was angry (bear in mind that none of us knew this girl – we were just hearing ‘gist’).

  • “What nonsense?!!! How can a guy beat me?”
  • “He’s not even my husband oh, just boyfriend. God forbid!”
  • “The girl is a big fool, how can she allow her boyfriend beat her? Why hasn’t she left the relationship?”
  • Please spare me that nonsense, if the girl was my sister, I will beat her too.”

Those were some of the numerous negative and slanderous responses that were given that day. Yes, I was part of them.

But when I look back now, I’m thinking, we didn’t have the right to say any of those things. I mean, what if it was us? Did we think that the girl wanted to be beaten?

It’s all so interesting how we humans speak. We have so many opinions about other people’s lives and we fail to consider the big question – ‘What if it was me?’

I know some of you will say you’ve considered it and that you would never allow that to happen to you but still, what if?

When I was younger I would look at people who had lost a parent and say ‘how can this person even smile knowing that a member of their family is gone forever?’ Few years down the line, I lost a parent and oh, trust me there  is no template on how to handle such a situation.

Anyway I think I’m rambling because recently I found that I have to deal with some things I thought would never happen to me and all I can think of is, could I have avoided this? Did I bring this upon myself ? And my sincere answer is no. Maybe I could have avoided it but I didn’t know how. The bottom line is Im here now and I just have to deal with it. Now that I know what it feels like to handle such, I realize that I am in no place to judge others. 

Before we make that ever so quick and easy decision to judge, let’s think: what if it was me?

It’s a whole lot different when it hits close to home.

Write soon! xx